Wonderland

Teacups, tall hats, tit-mouse and tales...all of these things and more are why I love the mad hatter and hare the best in Alice and Wonderland. The Queen scared me, the twins irritated me (even then I didn't like children) but the long, long table with teacups overflowing, chipped, piled high and spouting steam always made me long for a way to pull up one of those high-backed chairs. Sitting around a table with friends and loved ones, telling jokes, laughing at their stories and practically knowing exactly what the next story would be and the pleasant surprise of a new one. That is the place I would want to rest if I ever fell down the rabbit hole...

Strong

After only a few hours sleeping, getting up for a one-on-one training session was not something I was particularly looking forward to. However, I did it. I was even early. My sore quads and droopy eyes continue to remind me how much work I put into this morning's session. And even more of a reminder of how much work I've put into transforming the little (not so much) ol' body of mine. I never thought I would run a 5K once a week. I never thought I would budget and prioritize a twice-weekly personal training session. I never thought I would feel (gasp) athletic. Truly, it has been something that has helped me stay sane. I may not get around to working on my thesis everyday, or doing the dishes, or catching up on all those books I planned on reading this summer. But I rarely miss a workout. And I like that about me now. It gives me strength and peace and that's all any recently-turned 25 year old can ask for. Isn't it? (and no, I'm not either of the blondes in the photos above and below...just inspiring)

The tears are coming

I am nearing my 25th birthday. 25 has always been a year of importance to me - some have 30, others reach 27, 48 or 60 and think back on their lives and consider their futures. Mine is 25. This is probably because I truly do cherish and hold the value of youth high, the weight of age and forgetfulness, slowing down and losing touch frightens me so I suppose by beginning to look back and plan forward should begin earlier for me than others. Turning 25 next week terrifies me. I feel as if I no longer have any excuse to live a life of a child without anything significant being done or experienced. I can only serve food and go to school in this Midwest town for so long before I self-destruct. I do not want to be numb. I want to be enthused by everything and everyone that I meet and encounter. I want to write about my experiences and I want to have experiences to write about. I love my family dearly and will miss them terribly, but I just know there are other families out there waiting for me...other groups that have arms wide open waiting for my arrival. And yes, I am terrified. I do not want to go anywhere alone and I feel like there is a greater part of me that wants to remain here, play it safe, and grow old in the veritable midsection of the country. And perhaps I can. Would it be financially possible to own a home here and afford to travel the world? I don't have any answers right now. Apologies for the rambling but I find myself in a place of rambling, scraping for answers and direction and the discipline it takes to be productive and happy. The tears are coming...farewell for now.

Organizing

Most of the time, when I set about organizing and putting things in their right place, I'm procrastinating. However, today, it really needed to be done. I had about 6 steps full of books and papers and magazines that I placed there days, weeks, even months ago because I thought how smart I would be that I would just grab a stack on my way up...when in reality all I did was get creative and learn how to walk, step and hop over my piles. My "medicine cabinet" aka, hall closet, had been taken over by random samples, half empty (or half full depending on the likelihood that I would use the rest of said product) shampoos, lotions and perfumes, hair ties, headbands, deodorant, vitamins and all manner of travel makeup bags. I threw nearly half of everything that was on the shelves away and organized the rest with their respective fellow products. I also went through my magazines. Now, I have a very difficult time throwing old magazines away because I always need something to read while working out at the gym. I kept the good ones and threw away all the rest - I still have about 30+ back copies of Self, Women's Health, and Cosmo which I intend to donate to my gym before moving away (I still do not have a location picked out). The point of the matter is I did not feel as if organizing today was part of an avoidance of other things that should have been done. I now have the freedom to go to the gym at 8, come home and eat breakfast, nap for three hours, watch Sex and the City for two and then set about throwing things away and organizing in preparation of the aforementioned move. It feels good not to see clutter and I've gotten rather addicted to throwing things away - I think of it as a sort of reverse-hoarding tic, perhaps one that needs to be checked before I've given my sister the option of taking and using some of my no-longer-needed things... I'll save the pictures, paintings, clothes and shoes for her..I doubt she would have any interest in a two year old lotion that once smelled like lavender but now only smells like the plastic bottle it resides in. I hope you all are enjoying your day and also have the freedom to liberate yourselves from the unnecessary!

Walk the Dog in the Sunshine and Rain

Last full day in Seattle - and I really don't want to come home - to reality, responsibility, reason, rules...I'd like to stay here forever, eat and drink and walk around for hours (although my four hour "walk" yesterday left much to be desired, soaking pants, sore feet, and a general disdain for the incessant rain). The walk down is always much easier

than the walk up

But, as long as there is a perfect glass of wine and the book you have been saving for three years to read, then its worth it.

J said yesterday how sorry he was that I had to be here alone. I am not. I don't have to be here alone, I chose to be. There have been moments of sadness, loneliness, and the wish that I had someone to share in the cuteness of all the dogs that populate this magical city.

But, even though there were those brief moments and forecast full of rain and cold, there were more moments of happiness, contentment and breakthrough of the sun.

I wish you all the freedom to take the plunge, spend the savings, and head out to a new adventure. You'll never know what you learn about yourself! <3 V

Getting Lost

I have taken a trip by myself again for the first time in nearly six years. I am in Seattle, folks, and have virtually no direction, no plans, no itinerary other than a coffee shop here, and a chocolaterie there to visit. I intend to do a great deal of writing, resting, snapping photos and well, eating! Sometimes we just need to get lost, throw our hands up in the failed attempt at looking for that perfect french bistro to have a first dinner in, and venture into a dingy diner. You never know the deliciousness that they may cook up, or the magnificent views that you might see. I am sure I will be posting much more in the hours and days to come, but for now, salut! Here are a few shots of what I have seen thus far...

Living in the Moment

Barely woke up in time for 6am yoga - but I made it with six minutes to spare. Poor sis's car wouldn't start so she got up early for no reason and no yoga...there's always next week. Just like last week after an hour stretching and posing and holding, I thought that I would be ready to crash for a two hour nap before 10am personal training - however, I opened my eyes from savasana and felt energized and ready to be productive in between workouts. So I came home, made some green tea and ate a pear and did some laundry. I tidied up my room and the living room and decided to make a trip into Chicago for some Whole Foods action and some delicious Intelligentsia coffee. There have been things that have been hanging heavy on my heart lately, worries that I can't shake or figure out or know what to do with. But I was reminded today in yoga, as I have been in the past of a teaching that reaches across practices, religions and faiths - and that is to live in the moment and let tomorrow worry about tomorrow. I so quickly let myself get wrapped up in what might happen or what should happen or what I want to happen that I miss what's going on around me. I think that's why I yearn for a place where there aren't many seasons because I find myself hoping for a warmer day than this one and miss out on the warmth and the sun that is already shining down. So, as the sweet small girl teaching class this morning whispered for us to keep our intentions close and focused, I will try to remind myself everyday, to just be, here, everyday. I don't need to make a decision for something that might happen down the road and I don't need to worry about how happy or unhappy I could be based upon any decision or choice that I make. I just need to be happy today and trust that I will find happiness tomorrow, in some small or large way. And if I make a mistake, or have a bad day, that's ok too. I can move past it knowing that there is a new and fresh start right around the corner. I hope you all take the time to live in the moment today too. From my learning heart, to yours.