Getting it all done

All the necessary steps are beginning to be taken for the next phase in my life. Before, I would merely have to purchase the textbooks, read a few chapters and make sure I had some scrap of unscribbled paper to take notes on in class. Now, as I enter the part of my education where I write my thesis...I am finding myself drafting proposals, gathering and conferring with reading committees, writing countless emails and researching how my little, insignificant ideas can be placed in the world of literature and writing out there. I feel both more important and adult-like and at the same time childish and wandering around in a vast new arena with rules I don't yet know.

My goals are vague but I know that I have some. I suppose all I have left to do now is keep working on my studies and simultaneously attempt to move my project forward. Draft, revise and revise again.

I hope you are all well. Perhaps I'll take a day away, drive to my old school to be inspired by the changing and growing trees, and feel the peace that will come knowing my sole purpose there will be to write.

The Life of a Writer

Coming up with just a few short weeks (6 to be exact) until I am done with classes I have begun thinking about what is next. I have to write and complete and defend a thesis (of which I have written none nor written my proposal) but essentially I am looking at a summer filled with working, writing, and preparing to make the great leap of moving away for a short or possibly long time. We still have not picked a place but that doesn't bother me. I feel as if wherever we do go will be an adventure and I have no problem moving back home should it not work out. I have burned no bridges.

But I have been asked, more and more, every day, what I am going to do when I finish my degree. This question almost feels as if it is my final exam, my ultimate test to graduate with a Master's. It's as if to earn this, I must know what to do with it. That is simply not the case. Finding the time to write even this simple blog is a challenge and I don't even have any readers! (except you Mom and Dad, hello.) But I do have high hopes for what my life is going to look like not only after I complete my classes and final papers, but what it will look like when I move somewhere new. Naturally I will find a job, either in my field or out of it, but I believe my great, grand, magnificent answer to all those wondering faces is that what I intend to do - is live my life and write about it. I want to have the time and freedom to try and get published and from what I've heard and read - that is a job in and of itself. So, if it means I need to work in a Starbucks or some restaurant or something somewhere that will pay the bills and have the freedom to leave work at work and come home to write and submit - then that's what I'm going to do.

And I think, honestly, that's the reason I want to move away. I am not a fan of the Midwest, true, but the winters aren't all that bad. This town isn't all that dull. It's just not as inspiring. And I know myself, if I stayed, I would work constantly. Having two jobs again, I would end up working six days a week, dawn til dusk. And to NOT do that is what I've been saving for. Of course I'll work wherever I go, but I also want to have days off, nights off, weekends off, to observe my surroundings and what those surroundings are doing and stirring in my soul. I want to write about that. I want to write about being displaced and actively experiencing the unfamiliar. There is a familiar face on every corner and I already know their stories here. I want to meet new faces and have the opportunity to envision their stories without already knowing them. It's going to be hard. It's going to be scary. But it's going to be worth it if I can get even one experience, one story, one glimmer of inspiration and at the very least AFFIRMATION that I was able to get out, leave, move out on my own. So let the official count-down begin. In roughly six months I hope to be packing up, heading out, looking sharply around every corner for inspiration and hope of something magnificent.

Selfish

Today I am spending my hours selfishly. I do not work today. I do not have class today. I have no plans. There is a bit of homework to be completed but not too terribly much that it will be a bother.

I started out with yoga, coffee, and a bagel. Now the strings of Adele, Duffy and Nora Jones are crooning through my laptop speakers, weaving in and out of the bands of sunlight streaming in between the living room window's blinds. It is a beautiful day. Perhaps I'll pack a picnic, go to the park, and sit and eat under the trees. Allergies be damned, I will reenact those lovely days eating outside in Grant Park in London, gloriously alone, without guilt trips or obligations.

Today I will be selfish.

Today I am off the grid.

High Hopes for High Temps

Day one of spring break was interesting to say the least. Words that can be used to describe it include surprising, relaxed, disappointing, laughter, Tichu, cheesecake, small victories and exercise. I liked it and it was a good day. I didn't do any homework except begin the documents for my papers that are due next week. I would love nothing more than to knock everything out and think that I have a good shot at it. Training in the morning then a short drive to a sweet B&B to catch up with my Irish twin. Still waiting for an answer on a great and exciting opportunity so take this small post as a check-in amongst the business of work and school and everything else involved in my small life. I am loving the warmth and the storms and the intermittent sunshine. Are you?

Another One

I feel as if every few weeks, months, years, I have a rekindled desire to start afresh. Whether it be a diet, a workout regimen, a writing goal, savings account or whatever needs my focused attention. So, here I am again, hoping for a more disciplined life. I want to start eating well again, and dedicated study and writing time. Waiting until the last minute has never really hurt me when it comes to grades, but this semester feels completely different. No longer can I b.s. my way through talking about a book I read, I actually have to produce something worth while and intelligent every week for all three classes. Bright side...I'm only 2 and a half short months away from never having to do anything like this again...hopefully. I can't wait until summer. Yes, I'll be writing my thesis, but that will not require me to be in class or answer to anyone other than a single professor once every few weeks (at least I think that's how it works). I dream about novels read for fun, evenings spent watching all the shows I want to watch but feel to guilty to because of a looming assignment. No one I know is still a student at my age, or even younger. Sure, they have things that keep them busy, but I have all sorts of plans for the hours and days to come that are no longer filled with SCHOOL.

Motivation

Oh, the doldrums of winter in the Midwest. It has been a biting cold day, one that I had to enter before I had fully woken up, late and rushing after my alarm was silenced. I got bad news about taxes owed, will-power to eat healthfully fully diminished out of lack of habit I'm sure and I haven't been to the gym since Friday. Training tomorrow should be a hoot.

I need a goal. I think that goal should be something along the lines of training for the upcoming 10K in June. That way I'll have the motivation for a pay out and the required nutritional restrictions to ensure I build my running body properly. Tomorrow will be a day of errands. I want to go to bed early tonight so I can get a head-start on them before our workout at 10. Packing and preparing for a trip is never really fun and I always have the lingering feeling that I will forget something along the way.

So off I go to do what I do best, make lists of things to do, make plans, and dream about ever getting them done.

Night night.

When?

I wanted today to be big. I wanted it to be grand. I wanted to come home after gym, errands, class, coffee with a giant smile on my face. I somehow don't think that is going to happen. All I felt in our training session today was irritation and defeat. All I felt after getting home and showering was exhaustion. All I did during my break was read a few assigned chapters for tonight, think of a few questions for our presenter and take an uncomfortable nap in my sunny car. My delicious coffee isn't doing much yet, and my least favorite class starts in 44 minutes. I was tempted to go out and buy an iPhone, or a new laptop, or spend a couple hundred at Urban Outfitters on a couple pieces of clothing to brighten my day. I didn't do any of these things to be wise and save for the oh so hazy future. I am working much less than I ever have in the past few years. I am taking more classes that require writing daily than I have ever in my college career. I am working out and training my body harder than it ever has been trained before with VERY slow results.

I need a vacation.

I need some fun.

I need a relief from the incessant routine of my everyday.

I want to play hooky.

I am leaving for "vacation" next Wednesday to spend four days with my family and respective boyfriends, wives and children. While it should be fun, I fear it won't be very restful. Remembering the last time we spent an extended amount of time with my brother and his family, it was all about them, what and when they wanted to do things and no matter how little I am a children-person, or activity person, or any kind of person that will inevitably disappoint them or cause me to spend the entire time doing things I am not thrilled about. The thought of curling up in a corner by the fire with a book seems ridiculous. It will be fun, I hope. I'm just in a funk. When is spring? When is spring break? When can I have a free day without papers, bills, deadlines, work, food journals and obligations???