new start

ok mom, so, yes, a lot of my posts are depressing. Not too many of them have a sense of hope or jubilation or glee. Admittedly, most of the time when I blog, I'm venting, writing out what's freaking me out or letting loose the problems that are running around in my head like a freaking chihuahua on speed. However, good things happen, I am happy most days. I'm just a youth, an infant on the grand scheme of things and I'm learning, I have so much that I pile upon myself that I feel like I'm acting more of a grown-up and stressed-out person than I really am. So, a little late but new year's resolution: be more positive. I want to be a pleasant person to be around. I know I am at work, it's hard not to be. I could be more optimistic with H. but because she's part of my home space she witnesses some of my home freakouts (and I think she's alright with that, hope so anyway). I vent to you, Mom, about money because of anyone I feel like you get that stress. But, like I said, good things happen.

Good things (and in no particular order):

1. Loan - it is scheduled to be disbursed as early as tomorrow. I have the opportunity to pay things off and breath easier when my job doesn't cut it.

2. Job - it is a good thing. My bosses are amazing and it's easy as pie. Even if I'm making less than half of what I made at UK, I do not have the stress of food and incompetent bosses and dramatic coworkers.

3. J. - He's nice to have around sometimes.

4. Living with H. in an amazing apartment - we do have a beautiful home. I love to clean it and the fact that I can do laundry anytime I want and a dishwasher and my own bathroom and close to work. Living with H. is the best, can't remember the last time we fought and she's not often there so I have my alone time. When she is there and it's "sister time" I couldn't be happier. She's great to catch up with.

5. School - Well, I hope to learn something. It's early yet but at least I can say I am making steady progress towards my goal of having a career and not just a job.

6. Vacations (however short) with Mom.

7. The fact that Saint Mary's is still living up to my expectation of the dumbest school in the midwest by still allowing me, 2 years since having taken a class or paid them a dime, to use their gym and library and internet and parking.

8. My dear, dear friends E. and K. They make me very happy at least once a week.

9. The idea that this is the start of a new year. The page is blank, the road is long and the world is my proverbial oyster. I have confidence that I will fit into a routine. I want that so badly. School, work, rinse and repeat. The snow will melt, the sky will color blue leaving the gray. The money will always come and go but my ability to use it wisely will strengthen. My communication skills will improve. My waist WILL shrink. (Not this week though, will still exercise but I can't be held responsible for what I eat...) I will travel far again. I will see other places beyond my front door. I am built to travel and forever full of wanderlust.

Enough, enough now. Too many good things. I must return to studying so that I can get to bed at a decent hour thereby adhering to my coveted routine!

Bon nuit, a tout a l'heure!