death

my grandmother died last night.


it shook me like I didn't think was possible. Sis and I have only ever experienced death when her husband, our grandfather, died 10 years ago. We were too young to grasp the volatile nature of life and death. Now, it's someone we know. Someone that won't open their eyes or speak another word ever again - or at least until the next chapter of this thing we call life.


going to make a very long drive. i would assume we would reminisce and think back on all our fond memories of her but right now I can't think of anything. I was 11 when we moved away and never really went back for holidays or anything special. she stopped calling to say happy birthday when I was 15 or so. I never called her on her birthday.


sis and i found really great dresses for the funeral though. shallow though it may be, these people haven't seen me since I was an overweight, awkward teenager. still overweight but I'd like to think I'm not nearly as awkward.


it doesn't feel real that we'll be four states down in 30 hours or so. at least we'll be out of the cold for a day.


why does everything happen at once?


i guess i should start preparing what i'll say about my life. it isn't much but it will be more than they've heard in a while. all our stories will be.