4 hours and 9 minutes to go until I am DONE with the tshirt shop!!! Wildly excited. If it weren't for the incredible blizzard outside I would celebrate and raise hell tonight but no, looks like my Seattle wine and finishing Sandman Slim will dominate my evening. Plan to hit the gym after work though - determined to be healthier come summer. Not to fit in a bikini or anything silly like that - just be healthy. I need to make a meal plan out for this week. I don't think I need any groceries but I just need to figure out what to cook.
The sun is shining. It's amazing the dramatic difference sunlight has on my mood. It's incredible how when it shines I feel lifted and lighter than air. But then the clouds come back and the lethargy sets in once more and there are anvils on my eyelids and shoulders. The snow is pretty though...
Can't wait to venture to Grand Rapids to spend a weekend writing. I think I'll have to wait until spring and the roads and rivers thaw a bit but looking forward to it nonetheless.
Will check in again when I'm down to one and a half jobs (instead of 3). Oh joyous last day. Thank you for being an easy one.
Saturday, January 8, 2011
Friday, January 7, 2011
Snowy day
Winter is wearing on me. I am so sick of the cold. Entertaining dreams of moving somewhere warm when I graduate. Went to a show last night and it really made me want to do more things out of the ordinary. I was so excited to drive 4 hours to just hear a great band play. I would like to venture out of this area this year to try other new things - I'd love to kayak this year. I'd also love to visit North Carloina because EVERYONE says how incredible it is and I simply must see for myself.
I officially have 8 hours left at the t-shirt shop and I could not possibly be more excited! The thought of having my evenings and every Saturday off sounds too good to be true! What will I do with my time you ask? Well, that remains to be seen doesn't it? I promise to let you know when I do. Having the option is something that thrills me more than anything else.
I wish you all the options for happiness.
I officially have 8 hours left at the t-shirt shop and I could not possibly be more excited! The thought of having my evenings and every Saturday off sounds too good to be true! What will I do with my time you ask? Well, that remains to be seen doesn't it? I promise to let you know when I do. Having the option is something that thrills me more than anything else.
I wish you all the options for happiness.
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
Where do we go from here?
I want to run away again. Everything is a disappointment. My ability to control the atmosphere is too weak. I cannot be cheerful enough tonight to make it all better. You'll have to find someone else.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Jury's still out
Good morning! Enjoying Seattle-bought coffee, chicken apple sausage and almond butter/honey wheat waffles. MMMM. It's 11:07am, January 1, 2011. There have been a lot of ups and downs this year and the jury's still out on whether or not the good outweighed the bad. Perhaps its best not to judge, but celebrate what was good. So here are a few things looking back that I truly enjoyed:
1. Finally visited Seattle - and it was as incredible as we dreamed it would be.
2. Discovered again my love for learning, my fall class awakened why I love literature.
3. Reconnected with my brother, here's to a year of nurturing that relationship.
4. Celebrated my very first anniversary with a boy. Another example of ups and downs but I'm glad I'm beginning this year with him.
5. Fell in love with cooking again.
6. Joined a gym I love.
7. Quit a job. One of the biggest struggles of the year but the final decision will result in my greatest happiness.
8. Found my biggest fault and since then, tried everyday to tell the truth and not embellish on others faults To hide my own.
9. Started blogging!
10. Embraced the not so silly dream of making jewelry. Intend to take a class this spring.
There is so much more but time will not allow. I hope you all had an amazing 2010 and although the good may not outweigh the bad, it's our attitude towards the whole that makes us eager to leap into the next year! So on the count of three:
One, two, three, JUMP!
1. Finally visited Seattle - and it was as incredible as we dreamed it would be.
2. Discovered again my love for learning, my fall class awakened why I love literature.
3. Reconnected with my brother, here's to a year of nurturing that relationship.
4. Celebrated my very first anniversary with a boy. Another example of ups and downs but I'm glad I'm beginning this year with him.
5. Fell in love with cooking again.
6. Joined a gym I love.
7. Quit a job. One of the biggest struggles of the year but the final decision will result in my greatest happiness.
8. Found my biggest fault and since then, tried everyday to tell the truth and not embellish on others faults To hide my own.
9. Started blogging!
10. Embraced the not so silly dream of making jewelry. Intend to take a class this spring.
There is so much more but time will not allow. I hope you all had an amazing 2010 and although the good may not outweigh the bad, it's our attitude towards the whole that makes us eager to leap into the next year! So on the count of three:
One, two, three, JUMP!
Wednesday, December 29, 2010
Heavy Clouds
So tired today. It was like I was under a constant weighted cloud all day. It was a stupid-slow day at work and all I wanted to do was sleep and write. Unluckily, the computer there blocks all the fun sites - like blogspot.com... So I waited until now. Most of my inspiration is gone and customers keep trickling in. I can't wait to have many days next week off. It won't seem real but I definitely am looking forward to it. J and I were planning on running to Chicago for the night but remembering the cold and our lack or willingness to brave it I think we'll be pulling a few movie marathons. Maybe Mom will be up for an IKEA trip though...
The gym is calling my name, I feel so much better after. Anything to pull me out of these winter doldrums. Glad it's going to be an early night though. Home by 9, bed by 1030 if I'm lucky. Time to find some fun recipes to cook over break and set aside at least a few hours by myself at home or elsewhere truly giving it a go at writing. I also plan on working my way through "The Artist's Way" as my creativity goal for 2011. I'm taking a writing class as well so perhaps I'll become a fount of words this time next year. A jewelry class was also suggested...Weird. All this writing is like a trip to the gym. I wake up, my mood elevates and I am inspired to do so much more. What inspires you? (lame, I know, but that's a question that will always endure)
The gym is calling my name, I feel so much better after. Anything to pull me out of these winter doldrums. Glad it's going to be an early night though. Home by 9, bed by 1030 if I'm lucky. Time to find some fun recipes to cook over break and set aside at least a few hours by myself at home or elsewhere truly giving it a go at writing. I also plan on working my way through "The Artist's Way" as my creativity goal for 2011. I'm taking a writing class as well so perhaps I'll become a fount of words this time next year. A jewelry class was also suggested...Weird. All this writing is like a trip to the gym. I wake up, my mood elevates and I am inspired to do so much more. What inspires you? (lame, I know, but that's a question that will always endure)
Sunday, December 19, 2010
death
my grandmother died last night.
it shook me like I didn't think was possible. Sis and I have only ever experienced death when her husband, our grandfather, died 10 years ago. We were too young to grasp the volatile nature of life and death. Now, it's someone we know. Someone that won't open their eyes or speak another word ever again - or at least until the next chapter of this thing we call life.
going to make a very long drive. i would assume we would reminisce and think back on all our fond memories of her but right now I can't think of anything. I was 11 when we moved away and never really went back for holidays or anything special. she stopped calling to say happy birthday when I was 15 or so. I never called her on her birthday.
sis and i found really great dresses for the funeral though. shallow though it may be, these people haven't seen me since I was an overweight, awkward teenager. still overweight but I'd like to think I'm not nearly as awkward.
it doesn't feel real that we'll be four states down in 30 hours or so. at least we'll be out of the cold for a day.
why does everything happen at once?
i guess i should start preparing what i'll say about my life. it isn't much but it will be more than they've heard in a while. all our stories will be.
it shook me like I didn't think was possible. Sis and I have only ever experienced death when her husband, our grandfather, died 10 years ago. We were too young to grasp the volatile nature of life and death. Now, it's someone we know. Someone that won't open their eyes or speak another word ever again - or at least until the next chapter of this thing we call life.
going to make a very long drive. i would assume we would reminisce and think back on all our fond memories of her but right now I can't think of anything. I was 11 when we moved away and never really went back for holidays or anything special. she stopped calling to say happy birthday when I was 15 or so. I never called her on her birthday.
sis and i found really great dresses for the funeral though. shallow though it may be, these people haven't seen me since I was an overweight, awkward teenager. still overweight but I'd like to think I'm not nearly as awkward.
it doesn't feel real that we'll be four states down in 30 hours or so. at least we'll be out of the cold for a day.
why does everything happen at once?
i guess i should start preparing what i'll say about my life. it isn't much but it will be more than they've heard in a while. all our stories will be.
Thursday, December 9, 2010
Left Behind
Why I am being left behind so much recently? I hate it. I'm the one that is supposed to go, travel, visit, depart, LEAVE, not you! I want to go to Chicago. I want to go to Ann Arbor. I want to go to a fucking movie! It's not fair you get to go! You didn't earn it! You don't deserve that freedom! I DO!
But I don't. I did this to myself. I obligated myself to another second job. Why is it so hard? Why is life so expensive? Why can't I just have one job? Everyone else around me does - I'm literally the only person I can think of that works as much as I do. I hate it, I really do. I quit UK because I started hating the people enjoying omelets on Sundays and I had to work. NOW, I'm hating anyone that isn't sitting behind a desk (and sometimes even them too because they don't have another job to go to once they've clocked out of that one). I hate people in stores, in cars, at restaurants, in bars, standing on street corners holding a sign, my sister making crafts all day and getting a massage. I'm filled with hate, my account balances are higher than they've been but where's the fucking joy? Why did I leave one job to have more freedom only to immediately jump into another? Money? Seriously? I don't need it!
So, obvious answer, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Sis and I are going to go to UK tomorrow for breakfast and I'm going to take away Saturdays and Wednesdays from my availability. I'll work Sundays, Thursdays and Fridays. That's more than enough. I will have every Tuesday/Wednesday night off and all day Saturday. It will restore my sanity and affect my wallet in no significant way.
I will try my hand at jewelry.
I will write everyday.
I will become healthier.
I will have the time.
But I don't. I did this to myself. I obligated myself to another second job. Why is it so hard? Why is life so expensive? Why can't I just have one job? Everyone else around me does - I'm literally the only person I can think of that works as much as I do. I hate it, I really do. I quit UK because I started hating the people enjoying omelets on Sundays and I had to work. NOW, I'm hating anyone that isn't sitting behind a desk (and sometimes even them too because they don't have another job to go to once they've clocked out of that one). I hate people in stores, in cars, at restaurants, in bars, standing on street corners holding a sign, my sister making crafts all day and getting a massage. I'm filled with hate, my account balances are higher than they've been but where's the fucking joy? Why did I leave one job to have more freedom only to immediately jump into another? Money? Seriously? I don't need it!
So, obvious answer, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Sis and I are going to go to UK tomorrow for breakfast and I'm going to take away Saturdays and Wednesdays from my availability. I'll work Sundays, Thursdays and Fridays. That's more than enough. I will have every Tuesday/Wednesday night off and all day Saturday. It will restore my sanity and affect my wallet in no significant way.
I will try my hand at jewelry.
I will write everyday.
I will become healthier.
I will have the time.
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