Headache

Observed court, had lunch, may become admin assistant for new program through YWCA, consumed a billion sickly sweet calories and am doing everything I can to put off writing my essay for grad school applications (including this blog). I wish I were one of those people that led such fascinating lives that my blog was followed...I wish I had a life that anyone cared to follow. Yes, a silly boy here and there, my mom and dad, etc etc to the assumed characters interested, but no one that would care otherwise. AND it's gross out. Cold and windy and gray. I don't like this kind of fall/winter. I prefer all snow or the 60 degree November days we've been having recently. I hope I'm doing the right thing. I hope that by deciding to go to IUSB I'm not selling myself short, that I'm not taking the easy way out, that I'm doing less than I'm capable of. Although, I tried the "higher-ranked school" (Saint Mary's - sullied sister of Notre Dame) and got a terrible education but when I returned to GV I learned SO much more. It's the show, the name and the prestige that people recognize and are in awe of. I feel like I talk myself up to people and they expect me to do better and greater things (aka go to an ivy league, become a lawyer, lose weight and be healthy, form functional relationships with the opposite sex) but in reality I'm no more than ordinary, smart, yes, but I have no drive to go too far out of my comfort zone. Maybe it's the fear of failure or rejection or maybe the stories are just so much better than reality. I should be more honest, more frank. Such twittering and rambling does me no good expect to vent and procrasinate. I should write a book of procrastinations - it would be a bestseller I'm sure. Dinner with ladies tonight, should figure out thanksgiving as well since sis and I are hosting the event. Oh dear.