We used to give my dad a hard time for taking too long when it came to telling a story or anecdote. We would inevitably say the word "Point?" somewhere in the string of words that seemed to be nowhere nearer a conclusion than at his opening sentence. He would grin, and "aw, shucks" his way into a summed up version of the story he was trying to convey. I feel a bit like that almost every day now. I feel like my life is this long string of a story that really doesn't have any kind of end or grand goal in sight. I feel like I should be working towards something, saving for something, learning FOR something. But I have absolutely no idea what that SOMETHING is. Do I open a cafe? Do I write? Do I teach? Do I throw myself back into school and learn how to be a veterinarian? (The first three options are real options, the last is simply for laughs) I just want a reason. I want a place. I want a purpose.
And I know this is probably some watered-down version of a quarter life crisis, Garden State of mind and all that shit but really, honestly, it could very well be this stupid weather. Whatever it is, it's unsettling and oddly, it doesn't make me want to run away - because I'm not so sure wherever I go will have the answer I'm looking for. But I do know, the answer is not here. Not in this place. God help me, making matters no better, the holidays are coming. Blech.
I promise to have a more upbeat post soon, at least when the sun comes out again.
Seems like ther are lots of us feeling that way these days honey. Weather, holidays, change of season, rut...whatever. It is frustrating. I believe that there is a reason. Just not sure what that is. I don't think leaving is an answer just yet. Although you my distract yourself with newnesses, the disatisfaction is still there buried and waiting fro the next rainy day to salute....in Seattle it won't be hidden long. Is something coming? Do we need to prepare? Do we need to really find the joy and peace that is promised and put away the nonsense? I am struggling too. I want to run, but it would follow me. I love you and am glad you write what you feel so elequently. You inspire me.....to write. Keep it up.
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