Monday, August 31, 2009

Dreams and Memories

we talked until 2a.m. about everything and anything. memories. fears. opinions. arguments. no subject was left untouched. so many things we've done, seen, heard, said, felt, lost, and gained. our childhood was probably no more extraordinary than any other but it was ours. no one else could have realized or comprehended what we were talking about. our lives, our history, our memories. and the craziest part is neither of us could have possibly imagined or even conceived where we are today. our lives as adults wouldn't make sense to the children we were. for all we knew, we were going to live and die in the south. well, we lived, we left and we grew up. never never land - where you began.

Friday, August 28, 2009

spirit in the sky

I don't deal with rejection well. I am forever wanting people to like and think highly of me and when they don't, when they stop calling and when they walk away, I feel less; less than what I am, less than what they expected and less than I thought I could be. Less. It's not fair and it shouldn't determine how I look at the world or view myself but it's unavoidable. I suppose I could justify it by saying: "I'm young", "I'll learn to not care", and think they're not worth my time. My body is far, far from perfect, and that worries me. I feel as if I'm constantly judged and compared to other skinnier and prettier girls. Ugh, the insecurities of a young adult girl!!!! One hell of a first post.
I am a college graduate - magna cum laude to be exact. Top honors, minimal debt, great relationships with family and, well, I suppose that's it. I don't exactly know what I am going to do with my life. Lawyer? Innkeeper? Server? Professor? I haven't the foggiest. I am rambling now because as I understand it, that's what blogs are for: sharing thoughts or simply venting without stressing the fingers and hands that would normally be writing in a diary. This is also much more public which is something I'm not sure how I feel about just yet. Maybe I'm doing this because I want to see what I've got. I want to see what I will write. I want to see if it's any good. I doubt it, but I often surprise myself. I begin with the lowest of expectations and honestly, am rarely surprised by what I find but maybe, just maybe, this time will be different...