Friday, August 28, 2009

spirit in the sky

I don't deal with rejection well. I am forever wanting people to like and think highly of me and when they don't, when they stop calling and when they walk away, I feel less; less than what I am, less than what they expected and less than I thought I could be. Less. It's not fair and it shouldn't determine how I look at the world or view myself but it's unavoidable. I suppose I could justify it by saying: "I'm young", "I'll learn to not care", and think they're not worth my time. My body is far, far from perfect, and that worries me. I feel as if I'm constantly judged and compared to other skinnier and prettier girls. Ugh, the insecurities of a young adult girl!!!! One hell of a first post.
I am a college graduate - magna cum laude to be exact. Top honors, minimal debt, great relationships with family and, well, I suppose that's it. I don't exactly know what I am going to do with my life. Lawyer? Innkeeper? Server? Professor? I haven't the foggiest. I am rambling now because as I understand it, that's what blogs are for: sharing thoughts or simply venting without stressing the fingers and hands that would normally be writing in a diary. This is also much more public which is something I'm not sure how I feel about just yet. Maybe I'm doing this because I want to see what I've got. I want to see what I will write. I want to see if it's any good. I doubt it, but I often surprise myself. I begin with the lowest of expectations and honestly, am rarely surprised by what I find but maybe, just maybe, this time will be different...

No comments:

Post a Comment