Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Mid-Week ugh

So, mid-week and I'm frustrated because my time doesn't feel like my own again. Yesterday was great - did so many fun things like sleep in, get groceries, meet Mom for coffee, get a massage, study and make yummy dinner and guess what?! Work wasn't part of any of it! But because of the difficulty of the "job" I agreed to go in for 3 more days of training this week. Only a couple hours but nevertheless it frustrates me. Oh well, I'll just look at it as a couple more bucks to save towards not having to go in there again.

And to improve my mood mid-post, I decided to use some of the yummy groceries I got yesterday and juice and make a great breakfast (see pictures below). That is homemade oatmeal with banana and brown sugar and a kale-celery-spinach-apple-lemon juice. So good and so good for you!

So while I may not be excited to go to work on a usual days off - at least I am going in later and have the time in the morning to make a wonderful, keep-me-going breakfast. Hopefully to the gym after and some real sit-down studying. Em wanted to go out again tonight - we'll see...spent quite a bit on groceries last night...

Oh, how I wish I could create something!

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Day 2 (and part of last night....)

Well, I went slightly over my one-glass-max of wine at dinner. We made wise choices with food, sampling and sharing and not finishing appetizers because we were having simply too much fun catching up, laughing, discussing futures and pasts and current events. It's so important to have friends in your life - that's something that I've only recently learned.

It looks like snow and drear out there today. Only more incentive for me to stay indoors cleaning and studying. Downloaded fun music last night too so looking forward to hearing that!

Gym after a quick coffee...hope you all have lovely people in your lives to laugh and talk with!

Monday, November 28, 2011

Day One

Hello all! It's been a very successful start to my new attempt at healthful living! Did not get up early to go to the gym but because of inadequate sleep I chose the rest and plans for later instead. Doc at 9 then work from 10-1:30 to be finished up at the gym for a challenging cardio workout. The trainer called today and we set up two sessions for next Tuesday and Thursday (gulp) and I've been keeping a food diary. Ate good and healthy food all day as well. Little tired but bought a coffee to help with that. Allowing myself my one glass of wine tonight with Em and hopefully home not too late. I've got some serious grocery plans tomorrow and perhaps some cooking as well. I would LOVE to write and organize my thoughts for travels next year but I have decided to take things one step at a time. No rushing for this girl and no pressure to be perfect.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Can't Wait for Monday

Alright - tomorrow is a new day and a fresh start. Too much food, too little exercise, unfair meds making me unable to lose weight have turned this girl into something she would rather not be...unhealthy. So, I will change meds tomorrow, attempt an early bedtime, short day at work to get a workout in before class. I am going to try and cut out junk food and replace it with as many fruits and veggies as I can - I would like to juice every morning for breakfast...haven't done that in a while and it's soooo good. I'm also only going allow myself $10 per week at Starbucks, so I'll load a GC tonight for the week... once it's gone, that's all I get. I also, am going to stop eating so much at the restaurant...and if I do eat - egg whites and a chopped salad. The end. Ok, I'm excited now! I'll check in every day here and try to keep myself accountable. Oh ya, only one alcoholic beverage per week (if that). Ok friends, have a beautiful, healthy, wonderful week!

Wednesday, November 23, 2011

My evening

Just a few shots of the deliciousness that occurred last night.

Happy Turkey.

Monday, November 21, 2011

So close and yet so far

The semester is winding down, I'm whiling away the 46 minutes until class starts - I'm giving a presentation tonight (gulp) really hate those but I'm going in not really worried about it. I've done my research, I have an outline. It's going to be fine.

I am, however, wanting so badly to go away somewhere. We have a trip planned in February for a family vacation - but I do so want to head out on the road somewhere sooner than that. It's not like I haven't done my fair share of traveling this year - we did go to Vegas in August and I've made several trips up north as well as Chicago a time or two. But - I want to do Seattle again. I want very much to go to Europe...Paris, London, anywhere there really. It's just so hard sometimes to justify the money, the time away, and figuring out what I would do if I went? It's hard for me to think like a tourist now - I just want to have the time to be somewhere like Seattle or Paris and not feel like every day needs to be PACKED with activities and sight-seeing. If I were to LIVE somewhere like that or even spend more than a week at one of those places I feel like I could get to know the neighborhoods, enjoy sleeping in one day, or doing nothing but stay in the same cafe all day and write or surf the web. But, all of those options require a great deal of money and an even bigger absence of responsibilities - such as school, work, family, boyfriend, etc.

Oh well. I suppose I should do what I really should do - hole up at home, save, write, and hope for the day when I don't lock myself into a semester of studying and jobs that require me to be paid only when I am physically there. Come on best-selling yourself!

Friday, November 18, 2011

Bright Clear Morning

Hello all! This bright, clear morning reminds me of England all of the sudden. My recent habits include waking around 9 - crawling out of bed around 930 and venturing out for coffee by 10. This was much like my routine in England except for one small difference...I would walk into town. I stayed there September-December, arguably the most beautiful time of year and my walks from the flat into downtown were some of my favorite 20 minutes I ever spent during those days. I would pass people heading to work, mothers pushing their infants, men walking dogs, Indian grocery stores, gas (or rather petrol) stations, restaurants and schools.

I loved how the seasons changed under my feet ranging between the magnificently green shrubbery and grass glistening after a morning rain to the yellow leaves crunching as I walked down the hill from Bentham Gardens to Kingston. I never minded when I had to carry an umbrella or stop mid-way to take off my sweater because the sun was too warm. I miss those walks because it gave me time to think, plan my day, or simply be quiet as I noticed everything around me. Here, it's more difficult to take time and just be when you're in the car, focused on driving, looking for music or checking the mirror to see if you need another coat of lipstick before work. It was a healthier way of life then, how better than to count on 20 minutes of exercise first thing in the morning and if one walks into town then surely you must walk back...another 20 minutes, and this time, uphill...

It was lovely and while I would never live in Kingston again, that was a time for change and youth and experience, I would love to find a town that allowed me a simpler commute. One that didn't require a car, or gas, or an absence of time spent walking or biking. Was it Walden or Emerson that said how important it was to take an hour a day and walk in nature (probably Walden) and how beneficial it was to one's creativity and health. Here's to the pursuit.

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Crazy Writer Lady

My mother and I attended a poetry reading tonight at Notre Dame. The person introducing her left much to be desired - too much enthusiasm and too little tweezing in the eye brow department. The poet though, was exactly what I imagined she would be. Unkempt, frizzy gray hair, gold rimmed coke-bottle glasses, native american turquoise jewelry and you could easily imagine her living somewhere in an adobe or a loft above a busy Parisian cafe. She was funny and very talented in her genre but clearly recognized herself as an artist refusing to talk about or introduce her material.

All of this got me thinking about how much I would like to live the life of a writer. I want to be that obscure woman, wandering around her ranch, debating on whether or not she should allow her main character's love interest to live or die. I would travel and read constantly for inspiration, draft and re-draft. Revise (moderately as I hate revising) but I would just love that life. So here's to the goal of writing tomorrow. At least an hour, dedicated to pure creativity. Good night all.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Soon, little bear, soon.

44 minutes to go and I'll be done with work for the weekend. It was an interesting one for sure, not at all my usual routine at the restaurant but back to the spa this Monday, gazing out at the stormy, green clouds, wishing I was doing more than writing schedules and manuals. I did sneak in a few minutes here to write a new poem...two actually, let me know what you think...
I am looking forward to this week quite a lot actually - hair and nails done tomorrow with sis, many days off of any obligations again, hoping they are used for studies and writing...we'll see how that goes. I do wish you all a lovely week. Talk to you soon!

Mimosa Reflections

Wishing you were here and there and
Nothing is like the sun when you need it

To be.

Concern for the black and the yellow
Cook, clean, work, cry, sleep and scream


Life is nothing like a box of whatever.
It’s more like a chant, a prayer, an anthem of


I see you drift between the sand and kitchen knives.
Your wings were clipped a long time ago, making

Your horizons smaller.

The glass reflects my face as I look at the frame of you
Frozen in youth and happiness (lies), the second daughter.

Our parents turned the world into a game show.

Textbook worm and just as nocturnal.
I thought you were the only one with the looks.

But we’re not exceptional.
We’re just as normal as they were.

Finger Painting the Sky

It’s as if the sun is wearing tinted glasses.
The bleakness and hazy nature of the air

Alludes to his laziness and exhaustion.
Robert cannot bring himself to change

Out of his thin robe into faded jeans
And flannel. It takes all that is in him

To bring the cup of coffee close enough
To his lips to take a sip. The black liquid swirls

And reminds him of his childhood by the sea.
He wishes he could return, skipping and tumbling

Through the shells and foggy glass on the beach.
The sun was bolder then, it never hid behind clouds

When he was a child. It shone proudly with rays
That warmed his fuzzy arms and legs, pimpled by the breeze.

Breaking the surface of the diamond lake he blinked
The water out of his coffee eyes to see birds circling in the blue.

They cawed and crowed above him waiting
For his offering of the mackerel held between his teeth.

She brought him flowers today, two bouquets,
One white and one red birthing orange.

The first reminds him of death, the bleach and blankness
Of nothing and the loss of who he once was.

The second mocks him with images of sunsets and
Mango-flesh he’ll never taste again, the juice running down his

Sandpaper chin.

Their faces laugh at him, jovial in their memories and foreshadowing.
He is old now, grey and shriveled, sick.

Too weak to lift the vase to put them by his window (or throw them across the room).
She brings him soup, a milky yellow broth that brings

To mind urine and he cannot eat it. He knows he should,
She tells him he must. But he cannot. He pours it into the

Vases when she isn’t looking. Ha, he thinks to himself
Let’s see who’s better now. The flowers do not laugh anymore.

His grin creases the petal-thin flesh, no not flesh
It’s too worn and transparent to be flesh, skin, no

Not skin because it does not protect him anymore
It’s failed and she can’t make him eat. She pauses

Longer in the kitchen than she should. She’s waiting for him
To be better, to smile again. How can he tell her that she’s waiting

For nothing.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

Grey Skies 2

These have been quite a few productive days...the only problem is keeping it up. Gym every morning so far (3 days), absolutely spotless apartment and baking done. More homework needs to be done as well as some budgeting and research in all manner of future things. I wish I have been doing a great deal of writing during these gifted days off but it would seem I can't bring myself around to it. Dishes and research and coffee continue to distract. I should make it a goal, like the gym, to devote an hour a day to writing. Honestly, there are 24 of them, one shouldn't be that difficult to set aside for something I truly enjoy and hope to become better at. How do I do this one might ask? Practice, silly rabbit. So off I go. I will workshop some poems written by classmates then an hour for writing. There should be no better inspiration than these grey skies and howling winds...

Monday, November 7, 2011

Happy Monday!

The long and weary work week is finally through. I made it. I survived. I am waiting for homemade meatballs to finish cooking so that the boy and I can enjoy a nice, relaxed, worry-free dinner. I was in a generally mediocre mood today but now, once home and showered and free of any type of obligation - I feel so much happier and free. Tie this girl down too long and I start to lose some of myself - some of my spark. Now, I can look forward to the next 4, non-working days of rejuvenation and rest, (with the daily exhausting workouts of course).

Starting the day early tomorrow with an 8am workout with Em. Then, off to the store to get lots of healthy, whole, yummy food so that I am not in the same place I was last week where I was forced to get food elsewhere instead of use what was at home...because there was nothing at home. Just a few things I'm going to make this week (or hope to) include Chocolate Filled Sweet Potato Cupcakes, Ginger Cake Squares and perhaps some Oatmeal Date cookies...I would love to do some whitefish picatta as well....just excited to have some free time. Hopefully pictures and reviews to come...Happy Monday everyone - I hope you're looking forward to what this week brings just as much as I am!

Friday, November 4, 2011

Dear Tuesday

Dear Tuesday,
Why are you so hard to reach? I feel like it's been ages since we've had time to be together, without any distractions or worries. I know it's mainly my fault working again so much but I wish you would hurry up and get here already. Is the traffic bad where you're coming from? The sun is out, I hope it stays long enough to see you. I have so many plans for our reunion! First I would like to spend the first part of your visit early enough that the middle part doesn't creep up on us...I intend to go to the gym and work out so that I'm fresh and energized for the playing later. I hope you're alright if I spend some of the time cleaning...I would hate it if when you left again the apartment was a wreck and we didn't get to spend anytime enjoying the great space free of clutter and dishes. Then, I would like to go to the market and the store for good, healthy food to eat for the week. It might be fun, Tuesday, to try cooking some recipes or packaging some foods together so the rest of the week is easier! Then, if you don't mind, I would like to try writing/studying for a great while, perhaps even for the rest of the night. Tuesday will be just for us, no boys, no family, no work, no anything but you and me, spending time together and catching up on all the things that the rest of the selfish days have taken over.

It's only a short three and a half days and you'll be here. You in all your relaxed, non-committed, work-less ways makes me so excited to see you!


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

Dark Morning

It was a rough day yesterday - overly exhausted, tired of working all the time again and generally worried about school and future and life...But then, the boy made me smile and I got to working on my paper even though I didn't think I had the mental capacity to do anything productive, I actually made some progress. Then, begrudgingly I got up this morning at 6:35am and went to the gym. Was supposed to meet sis but she understandably chose her warm bed over the cold, dark morning. I had a moment where I considered crawling back in, gym clothes and all, but thought that it would at most grant me another 40 minutes of sleep before I had to get up to go to work. SO I chose the gym. And it was hard, and I haven't been in forever, but it was worth it. I feel great, energized, focused and ready to tackle this paper! I'm hoping to focus most of the evening/afternoon on it. It's the first of the month so that also means bills, and rent and bank is to be paid and visited. But that's ok. It won't take long. Early dinner with Mom and a meeting at 2 should set me up for a great evening. IF I get enough done, I may even try to attend yoga...that would be so nice - I know my body needs it - it really needs it every week but pushing myself to go is sometimes for difficult than you could imagine.
So, about 40 minutes left at work, then errands and lunch. I am HUNGRY!

Hope you all have an absolutely beautiful day - it's gorgeous out there.