Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Wanderlust and Warts

mmmmmmazing pedicure tonight - except she made me think I had a wart (which I don't) and realize I need to get these WAY more often. SO nice.

Tomorrow morning is my last day of class. I have a paper due next week but really, I'm pretty much sure I don't care about it at all. I'm going to do well, and work really hard at making it an A-paper but tonight, at work, with no reading, no articles, journals, discussion questions or serious papers to write - I LOVED it. I really really did and I'm really really nervous that I won't want to go back in the fall. I know I should and I'm about 93% positive I will, but summer is going to be awesome SO ya, just need to talk to loan officials, maybe even start conversing with publishing houses - see if its even necessary. I do finally feel like LIG has accepted my new position there. So that's good.

Mom, I want to go flea marketing - not antiquing but go buy some S*** that's really cheap but awesome.

Speaking of madre - she's leaving on a trip with my dad and I don't know if she really remembers or not but the last couple of times she went, on the phone and when she got back (with the exception of missing her umbilically-attached dog) she loved every minute. I get my wanderlust from her. Wander away, Mom. Enjoy yourself.

Sunday, April 25, 2010

Green with Envy

It's Sunday, I have almost made it through the weekend. Two papers down, one difficult draft to go. I have no doubt I'll be able to wrap that puppy up tonight. And now, our strange South Bend weather began with sun streaking through clouds, after church it was a chilly rain, and as I write this the sun is doing its best to peak through again. I suddenly realize that I write about the weather a lot in this blog. I suppose because it affects my mood so much. When it's nice out and warm I feel like an entirely different person, more productive and optimistic. When its cold - leave me alone. I can go either way with the rain, depends on if it gave me a headache.

Breakfast with Mom after church is so great. We usually have about 23 minutes before I have to go to work depending on when we each get to Panera. But it's a good thing. It's connection that I think we need, even if its 20 minutes. Thanks mom.

Final thought, I have this thing about me. It's an extreme tendency to be jealous of people. I don't know if its because we struggled growing up, if I read too many books about people with amazing lives or if I just work too much. But most days, when I'm at work, whether I'm folding t-shirts, booking appointments, serving omelets or babysitting I envy anyone and everyone that I see during the course of my day. I envied the people sitting at my table as I filled their coffee. I envy the couple walking around H. Square just having the time to browse through a store, or the middle aged woman who has the time and money to come in on a Tuesday afternoon once a month to get a facial and a massage. I envy them their time. I envy them their money. I envy them their freedom to BE. I know that they also have responsibilities and things to do and places to be. I know that there are many many times when I go out and shop in stores and eat in restaurants and, well, I don't get massages or facials but I will soon (with my employee discount) but maybe this is just teaching me to be content. A lesson to keep working, keep moving towards a life when I can go to a restaurant and not worry about the paper that is due, the store that needs to be opened or the debt that needs to be tackled. I will work towards and save for that day. I know it will happen for me. I know I will have a career and a house and a life. I will.

Look, the sun is shining again...

Saturday, April 24, 2010

Morning Coffee and Paper Writing

Bringing my laptop to work is the best idea I've ever had. Only wish I'd thought of it before 2 weeks before the end of the semester...Oh well, now is when it counts. Drinking delicious Panera coffee, watching the rainy gray sky and eternally perturbed by unruly children making a mess of the store. Do not want any of those monsters for a great long while, if ever.
I have the shopping bug, hate it. I'm being very good though, definitely conserving my funds until things are paid, savings is established and school is over. Oh I cannot wait for it to be over! Soon V, soon!! Alright. Must work for the next hour and nineteen minutes until Ashley gets in guaranteeing a distraction.
Have a wonderful weekend!!

Saturday, April 17, 2010

Good Night

Ugh, so full, so tired, so unmotivated. Get me up early to go to work, work out, run errands, clean, whatever! Just don't make me do school anymore! I can't even bring myself to open a blank document! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Good Morning Pt. 2!

Well, this week has trained my body to sleep no later than 7:30 even though I don't work until 10 today. That's fine with me though, I got to work out this morning, see the sunrise and take this picture. I don't think I'll ever forget my Mom describing flowering trees and plants in the beginning of summer with the sound effect: "pop, pop pop pop!" These flowers are "popping" and made me so happy this morning. I hope you have a great weekend! Pray I am able to do all I need to for school today and tomorrow. I'm nervous.

Friday, April 16, 2010

Good Morning!

It's rainy and gray outside. I love it because its a spring rainy-gray. Not winter rainy-gray. Yoga started my morning, I think I prefer running/walking but the yoga works my muscles and strength...maybe alternate days. off to my second full day alone! It's great, I love it. God plopped this in my lap and I can't wait to see what will come out of it!
My hair keeps falling in my coffee. My bangs are now coffee-length. Well, at least I'll be smelling Cinnabon all day... I think I need a new frying pan, I'm pretty sure the teflon or whatever it is on there is now gone so all my eggs taste like metal...gross.
Now, I'm just rambling because in 15 min I'll be sitting at a desk answering the phone soothingly emitting a sense of well-being and peace. Namaste.

Saturday, April 10, 2010

It is a beautiful morning. It is brisk but the sun is eagerly shining and seemingly promises to bring warmth as the day progresses on. I work all day and not too sure what I'm doing tonight. I was up very late studying, got a great deal done too, but fear I may become very tired as the day goes on...
I have this shift, and Sunday morning and night to finish my school before class on Monday. I accomplished about 75% of the huge project due Monday so that's good. Just have to read some articles to discuss and scramble at the next "grad seminar". Don't want to do that. SO I will try to read and get those set in my mind so I'm not left without anything to say...

I hope you have a wonderful weekend. I will leave you with my favorite poem bt e.e. cummings:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010


Sitting at Borders, waiting for my car to have its belt replaced, studying, getting many things done and plotting out the fastest way to crawl into my comfy bed to take a nap before work...A great many things are changing - or about to change. I finish school in 3 weeks. FINALLY. I have several books to read, a bibliography, dozens of articles, a 12-15 page paper for one class, a 10 page in another, and a presentation. I'm sure there are many other things I need to do, journals, discussion questions, forum postings etc but I feel productive enough for this morning, I think an hour nap is in order. Besides, I'm allergy-ey and can barely keep my eyes open. It is definitely spring. Warm air even though its cloudy and rainy. I love it. Another thing that will change is I think I have to go back to UK. My pride is screaming at me not to but my desire for stability and freedom from debt is screaming louder. I just need to be quiet when I am there. Be a completely different person than I was there at first. I need no attitude. Oh dear God let me be able to do this!!!