Sunday, April 25, 2010

Green with Envy

It's Sunday, I have almost made it through the weekend. Two papers down, one difficult draft to go. I have no doubt I'll be able to wrap that puppy up tonight. And now, our strange South Bend weather began with sun streaking through clouds, after church it was a chilly rain, and as I write this the sun is doing its best to peak through again. I suddenly realize that I write about the weather a lot in this blog. I suppose because it affects my mood so much. When it's nice out and warm I feel like an entirely different person, more productive and optimistic. When its cold - leave me alone. I can go either way with the rain, depends on if it gave me a headache.

Breakfast with Mom after church is so great. We usually have about 23 minutes before I have to go to work depending on when we each get to Panera. But it's a good thing. It's connection that I think we need, even if its 20 minutes. Thanks mom.

Final thought, I have this thing about me. It's an extreme tendency to be jealous of people. I don't know if its because we struggled growing up, if I read too many books about people with amazing lives or if I just work too much. But most days, when I'm at work, whether I'm folding t-shirts, booking appointments, serving omelets or babysitting I envy anyone and everyone that I see during the course of my day. I envied the people sitting at my table as I filled their coffee. I envy the couple walking around H. Square just having the time to browse through a store, or the middle aged woman who has the time and money to come in on a Tuesday afternoon once a month to get a facial and a massage. I envy them their time. I envy them their money. I envy them their freedom to BE. I know that they also have responsibilities and things to do and places to be. I know that there are many many times when I go out and shop in stores and eat in restaurants and, well, I don't get massages or facials but I will soon (with my employee discount) but maybe this is just teaching me to be content. A lesson to keep working, keep moving towards a life when I can go to a restaurant and not worry about the paper that is due, the store that needs to be opened or the debt that needs to be tackled. I will work towards and save for that day. I know it will happen for me. I know I will have a career and a house and a life. I will.

Look, the sun is shining again...

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