Thursday, December 9, 2010

Left Behind

Why I am being left behind so much recently? I hate it. I'm the one that is supposed to go, travel, visit, depart, LEAVE, not you! I want to go to Chicago. I want to go to Ann Arbor. I want to go to a fucking movie! It's not fair you get to go! You didn't earn it! You don't deserve that freedom! I DO!

But I don't. I did this to myself. I obligated myself to another second job. Why is it so hard? Why is life so expensive? Why can't I just have one job? Everyone else around me does - I'm literally the only person I can think of that works as much as I do. I hate it, I really do. I quit UK because I started hating the people enjoying omelets on Sundays and I had to work. NOW, I'm hating anyone that isn't sitting behind a desk (and sometimes even them too because they don't have another job to go to once they've clocked out of that one). I hate people in stores, in cars, at restaurants, in bars, standing on street corners holding a sign, my sister making crafts all day and getting a massage. I'm filled with hate, my account balances are higher than they've been but where's the fucking joy? Why did I leave one job to have more freedom only to immediately jump into another? Money? Seriously? I don't need it!

So, obvious answer, DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT. Sis and I are going to go to UK tomorrow for breakfast and I'm going to take away Saturdays and Wednesdays from my availability. I'll work Sundays, Thursdays and Fridays. That's more than enough. I will have every Tuesday/Wednesday night off and all day Saturday. It will restore my sanity and affect my wallet in no significant way.

I will try my hand at jewelry.
I will write everyday.
I will become healthier.

I will have the time.


  1. Do it! When you can't see the joy any longer you have to make changes. I wish you luck and can't wait to hear about some awesome jewelery, read what you write and see you a healthier (and happier) person!

  2. Any step forward is a better step.
    You tend to worry too much
    and not have faith to enjoy
    all the lavishness He has to give you.
    I wish you luck my oldest.
    I pray for you daily.
    I miss you.
    I too, look forward to all of you new adventures!

  3. thank you for being honest about where you are coming from. I know life gets haird and i can only imagine what it is like in your shoes.