Another One

I feel as if every few weeks, months, years, I have a rekindled desire to start afresh. Whether it be a diet, a workout regimen, a writing goal, savings account or whatever needs my focused attention. So, here I am again, hoping for a more disciplined life. I want to start eating well again, and dedicated study and writing time. Waiting until the last minute has never really hurt me when it comes to grades, but this semester feels completely different. No longer can I b.s. my way through talking about a book I read, I actually have to produce something worth while and intelligent every week for all three classes. Bright side...I'm only 2 and a half short months away from never having to do anything like this again...hopefully. I can't wait until summer. Yes, I'll be writing my thesis, but that will not require me to be in class or answer to anyone other than a single professor once every few weeks (at least I think that's how it works). I dream about novels read for fun, evenings spent watching all the shows I want to watch but feel to guilty to because of a looming assignment. No one I know is still a student at my age, or even younger. Sure, they have things that keep them busy, but I have all sorts of plans for the hours and days to come that are no longer filled with SCHOOL.

Motivation

Oh, the doldrums of winter in the Midwest. It has been a biting cold day, one that I had to enter before I had fully woken up, late and rushing after my alarm was silenced. I got bad news about taxes owed, will-power to eat healthfully fully diminished out of lack of habit I'm sure and I haven't been to the gym since Friday. Training tomorrow should be a hoot.

I need a goal. I think that goal should be something along the lines of training for the upcoming 10K in June. That way I'll have the motivation for a pay out and the required nutritional restrictions to ensure I build my running body properly. Tomorrow will be a day of errands. I want to go to bed early tonight so I can get a head-start on them before our workout at 10. Packing and preparing for a trip is never really fun and I always have the lingering feeling that I will forget something along the way.

So off I go to do what I do best, make lists of things to do, make plans, and dream about ever getting them done.

Night night.

When?

I wanted today to be big. I wanted it to be grand. I wanted to come home after gym, errands, class, coffee with a giant smile on my face. I somehow don't think that is going to happen. All I felt in our training session today was irritation and defeat. All I felt after getting home and showering was exhaustion. All I did during my break was read a few assigned chapters for tonight, think of a few questions for our presenter and take an uncomfortable nap in my sunny car. My delicious coffee isn't doing much yet, and my least favorite class starts in 44 minutes. I was tempted to go out and buy an iPhone, or a new laptop, or spend a couple hundred at Urban Outfitters on a couple pieces of clothing to brighten my day. I didn't do any of these things to be wise and save for the oh so hazy future. I am working much less than I ever have in the past few years. I am taking more classes that require writing daily than I have ever in my college career. I am working out and training my body harder than it ever has been trained before with VERY slow results.

I need a vacation.

I need some fun.

I need a relief from the incessant routine of my everyday.

I want to play hooky.

I am leaving for "vacation" next Wednesday to spend four days with my family and respective boyfriends, wives and children. While it should be fun, I fear it won't be very restful. Remembering the last time we spent an extended amount of time with my brother and his family, it was all about them, what and when they wanted to do things and no matter how little I am a children-person, or activity person, or any kind of person that will inevitably disappoint them or cause me to spend the entire time doing things I am not thrilled about. The thought of curling up in a corner by the fire with a book seems ridiculous. It will be fun, I hope. I'm just in a funk. When is spring? When is spring break? When can I have a free day without papers, bills, deadlines, work, food journals and obligations???

2012

I feel incredibly excited about this year. Looking forward to sharing exciting things to come.