I wanted today to be big. I wanted it to be grand. I wanted to come home after gym, errands, class, coffee with a giant smile on my face. I somehow don't think that is going to happen. All I felt in our training session today was irritation and defeat. All I felt after getting home and showering was exhaustion. All I did during my break was read a few assigned chapters for tonight, think of a few questions for our presenter and take an uncomfortable nap in my sunny car. My delicious coffee isn't doing much yet, and my least favorite class starts in 44 minutes. I was tempted to go out and buy an iPhone, or a new laptop, or spend a couple hundred at Urban Outfitters on a couple pieces of clothing to brighten my day. I didn't do any of these things to be wise and save for the oh so hazy future. I am working much less than I ever have in the past few years. I am taking more classes that require writing daily than I have ever in my college career. I am working out and training my body harder than it ever has been trained before with VERY slow results.
I need a vacation.
I need some fun.
I need a relief from the incessant routine of my everyday.
I want to play hooky.
I am leaving for "vacation" next Wednesday to spend four days with my family and respective boyfriends, wives and children. While it should be fun, I fear it won't be very restful. Remembering the last time we spent an extended amount of time with my brother and his family, it was all about them, what and when they wanted to do things and no matter how little I am a children-person, or activity person, or any kind of person that will inevitably disappoint them or cause me to spend the entire time doing things I am not thrilled about. The thought of curling up in a corner by the fire with a book seems ridiculous. It will be fun, I hope. I'm just in a funk. When is spring? When is spring break? When can I have a free day without papers, bills, deadlines, work, food journals and obligations???