Saturday, May 22, 2010

In another life...

If I had five choices for an alternate life I would be:

1. a writer

2. a jewelry designer

3. an heiress

4. an inn keeper

5. a chef

Three of these things I considered and even went to school for. The others are merely dreams.
I want(ed) to write to tell a story - put something out into the world so that my voice is heard and is not so easily lost. You see, I fear my own disappearance.
I have a very favorite tv show that I watched with my mom during my formative years - a show about a mother and daughter with the closest relationship you could ever imagine. The wildly independent mother owned an inn. Her life seemed idyllic.
I wanted to be a chef for nearly a decade - since I was 8. I love the presentation, the chemistry of flavor combinations, temperature effects, and new beginnings and potential every time you chop an onion or debone a chicken. It was the behind the scenes magic that drew me in.
I love jewelry. I love that in every nation and people group whether it be in the depths of the Amazon or the high court in England, the women adorn themselves with trinkets and jewels like so many birds that change colors during different seasons. I would love to produce hammered metal earrings, organic bead necklaces, wide leather cuffs, floral broaches and glittering rings.
As for being an heiress, I would love the freedom to travel, explore, eat, pray and be. I would love to be rid of the restraints of work and obligations and time dedicated to other things. This is my most selfish dream. A dream of freedom and carelessness. Do not think I am unwise to think it would be a cakewalk. Rich people have their problems too. But to travel, to release the monetary worries from my life I would have so much more time to think, to create, to pray.

My reality is that (with the exception of the heiress) I could have any of these things. I'm in limbo, a liminal space that is neither here nor there. I have a job but I don't believe it is my calling. I have an education but I'm not sure how that will play into what I will end up doing. Maybe I'll become all - portion out my life in segments where each dream can be realized, expereinces gleaned from them and left behind to seek out new opportunities and new lessons. I am still young. But I won't be young forever. Day by day but always looking toward the future.

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