Thursday, December 17, 2009
there are calls ringing in my ears, papers and numbers and black and red ink seeping into my pores and nostrils and eyes, my breath is catching in my chest and I can't swim, I can't reach the surface, there is no light. I don't know what to do, where to go, who to talk to or the questions to ask. I am drowning. my legs and arms are so heavy they can barely keep moving. The efforts I make don't matter, my attempts to reach the surface are not enough, I am moving upwards but do not break the surface. I am pulled down again, month after month, bill after bill. I am scared every second of being lost, sinking into destitution. I can't find the preserver, the rope, the cliff's edge. I am lost. Help.